Third knee surgery is no ‘accident’. He is planning to extend his career with wheel chair tennis.

Wawrina alleges Mirka wants to remain fat as way to compete with him. Serena and Nadal are trying too.

Reason for Federer’s malnourished left hand: Mirka ‘accidentally’ slept on it one whole night during time she was ‘looking’ for the marriage ring – after 10 years of courtship.

Doctors just discovered Wawrinka actually gave birth to his daughter. Deduction: Excessively repetitive ‘contact’ at one ‘sitting’ can make a man pregnant. Father is known to be already married.

Tweety alleging molestation – suing. For rock people, Federer carries her in his bags on the court – and who knows where else.

Wawrinka is alleging Mirka has had sex change surgery to save marriage as he is confident there is NO other reason for Federer to STILL be married.

Federer is so old even rackets are not scared of getting smashed and broken.

Federer is so old even weeds don’t grow on his lawn for fear of “Get off my lawn’ fit.

Ljubicic got hired as coach – and stays hired – because he threatened to inform Mirka and the world about Federer and the old nanny. Remember Arnold Schwarzenegger?